Self-Care SOS | How to throw up the bat signal when postpartum anxiety has you paralyzed.

“So how’s life with three kids?”

Hmmm… Well, the words, chaotic, crazy, bonkers, “Who’s idea was this anyway?” come to mind. But so do fun, silly, and heartbreakingly beautiful. 

I guess the real answer is having three kids is exactly the same, and totally different from having two kids. You kind of know what’s happening and you’re relatively sure you’re doing ok. When things don’t go well there’s not a whole lot of time to get hung up on any one issue. It’s just as hard as it was before, but the hard feels familiar.

This holds true for postpartum mental health.

With my second daughter, I struggled with postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts. At the time I was so deep in it I couldn’t see how much I was suffering.

Isolation was how I coped with these feelings. I thought, if we just don’t leave the house we will all stay safe. But isolation is like being in a funhouse mirror. Your perspective is a distortion.

Once I opened up about the scary thoughts, the panic, and the rage I realized that yes, many moms do feel overwhelmed and worry but they don’t let it keep them from enjoying their life.  

I was most defenitly not enjoying my life.

I realized I was white-knuckling through my daughter’s first 18 months and I didn’t need to. 

After my third child was born, I was aware of the risk of anxiety returning. When it did, just like your second baby’s first fever, it felt familiar. Just as hard, but not as scary.

I know what my brand of postpartum anxiety feels like so I didn’t have to suffer in silence like I did before. Once I recognized what was happening I simply picked up the self-care tools I developed in the past and got to work.

Here are a few of my favorite self-care tools to use when postpartum anxiety has me paralyzed.  

1. Cry

You know what they say, “big girls don’t cry.” Bullshit! If you need to cry, CRY! 

Cry until your eyes are puffy and the snot runs down your face. Cry until you are tired and then take a nap. I love me a good post-ugly cry napfest.  

Also, it’s ok if your kids see you cry. Maybe not the ugly cry, but letting your kids see you deal with strong emotions in healthy ways, shows them we are whole people who do hard things.

2. Tell on yourself

To be totally honest I was a little disappointed to be here again. I felt a twinge of shame but then I remembered this quote from Brene Brown, “Shame cannot survive being spoken.” And so I started talking.  

When I finally admitted to myself what was going on I texted my tribe, “I’m throwing up the bat signal here.” I told them I was struggling and within hours we scheduled a time we could meet up… I have really good friends. 

Non-judgemental social support is a great first step towards feeling better. If you are suffering you might not even know it, but a trusted friend or family member can give you the perspective you need. 

Talk to someone who can listen first without trying to fix you. This could be your partner, a friend, or even me… Seriously, shoot me an email or DM. I’ll listen. 

3. Make an appointment for self-care.

Write it down in your calendar and make it a non-negotiable.

Set aside time for meditation, journaling, or reading. Indulge in a guilty pleasure like catching up on The Real Housewives. Call up a friend to go for a walk. Have someone watch the kids for an hour while you go sit on the beach or in a coffee shop. Schedule a pedicure or message. Get your hair done.

Whatever you do know that you are deserving of time alone! 

4. Move your body

I am a huge advocate for using movement and fitness as part of a self-care strategy, especially when it comes to mental health. Postpartum fitness is very different for everyone and depending on where you are in your journey the word “exercise” may sound like yet another thing you don’t have time for. 

Realize the hoop you have to jump through is much wider than you think. This can be a walk around the block or trying a new group fitness class, (This place has free childcare) Go for a 5-mile run or throw a dance party in your living room. Just move!

5. Make a fancy snack

If you’ve been following me on Instagram you know I’m all about the #fancysnack these days. Fancy does not mean complicated. Mine are usually made in 5 minutes or less. What makes it fancy is that it tastes good and looks pretty. Bonus fancy points if you actually sit down at a table to eat it.

6. One minute in the problem

In recovery, I learned that if I dwell too long in a problem my mind will turn it into a way bigger issue than it needs to be. I allow myself one minute in the problem, 5 if it’s a really big problem, and then spend the rest of my time taking action. This way I am less likely to go further into a shame spiral than I need to.

Realize that taking action doesn’t always mean solving the problem. Sometimes it means changing perspective, setting up next steps, or just giving yourself the space to feel your feelings.

Have you struggled with postpartum anxiety? What are your favorite self-care strategies?

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