I’ve been following the trial of Derek Chauvin, the white police officer accused of murdering George Floyd by kneeling on his neck for more than nine minutes. As I listen to the testimony of the witnesses the dominating thought in my mind is grief compounds.
Grief compounds.
With each witness’s testimony, I hear sadness, guilt, and fear. I hear the weight of their personal trauma from watching a man die in front of them and the powerlessness to stop it.
But I also hear trauma of the past. These witnesses have seen this happen to bodies that look like theirs over and over again. They have heard stories like this, passed down for generations, from before there were cameras in everyone’s pocket.
I do not know what it’s like to experience grief that is wrapped up in institutionalized racism and white supremacy, but I do know that each loss speaks to, informs, and re-opens the wounds of all the loss that came before it.
I lost both of my parents by the time I was 18.
When Aiden was diagnosed with brain cancer I cursed God, shouting at Him, “Isn’t this enough for one lifetime!” Then Aiden died and I wasn’t just grieving him. I felt the absence of my parents more deeply than I had in years. They would be the ones I would turn to for unconditional love, support, and advice, but instead, I felt abandoned all over again.
So while I could never understand what it is like to experience compounding grief because of my race, I do understand how, to the Black community, the death of George Floyd feels the death of Philando Castile, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, and all the way back to Emmet Till.
I pray the witnesses in this trial are able to process their trauma fully. I pray for the Black community. I pray this time the jury sees this for what it is… murder. I pray our nation can continue the racial reckoning that started nearly a year ago.
The podcast “The Weight of Bearing Witness” from Into America, goes deep into this topic. If you want to understand more, I highly recommend you check it out
Should you be in a financial position to do so, please consider making a donation to The Loveland Foundation. It provides therapy for Black women and girls.
