The very first post I wrote for this blog was about New Year’s resolutions. Back then I wrote,
I love the New Year. I get lost in the idea of a clean slate, day one, and a fresh start. It’s the kind of thing that makes me want to buy new pens and stuff.
5 Ways to Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions in 2016
A lot has changed since then, but my love for the New Year and all the hope it brings remains the same.
As we head into 2019 I’d like to offer up a few well-meaning, but potentially harmful phrases that need to go.
A new year, a new you
The self-help guru Tony Robbins says, “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” True statement, but let’s not confuse setting goals with self-hatred.
You don’t need to be new to grow.
If you are unhappy in your career or personal relationships, or you want to improve your health by all means set goals and work towards them, but don’t get trapped into thinking “I’ll be happy when…” Go ahead and be happy now.
Clean eating
Like many of you, I fell hard for #cleaneating. What’s not to love? Clean equals healthy, pure, and those size 6 jeans I want to fit in… Right?
When I was a Beachbody coach, I ran several clean eating groups where I would provide people with meal plans and so-called “clean” recipes. After a while, though I started to connect my ability to follow a meal plan and “eat clean” with my self-worth. I thought of my meals as either good or bad rather than nourishment for a healthy body.
Tracking my food this way started to drift into
If you struggle with diet culture I encourage you to give yourself a big hug and check out this article from The Guardian. It explains all of this way better than I can.
“Clean eating” was more than a diet; it was a belief system, which propagated the idea that the way most people eat is not simply fattening, but impure.
Why We Fell for Clean Eating – The Guardian August 2017
Natural birth
I said it before and I’ll say it again unless you birthed a unicorn you had a natural birth.
When you can tell your story without crying you know you’ve healed.
First of all, crying is not an indicator of mental instability. If it were, I would need to be committed.
Second of all crying while telling your story doesn’t always mean you are in pain. Sometimes you cry because it hurts. Sometimes you cry because it’s beautiful, and sometimes your cry because it was beautifully painful. There is no wrong answer.
Finally, healing is not linear. You might be doing well for months or even years and then something happens and you get hit with a whole new wave of sadness. These waves aren’t setbacks. It’s just your heart’s way of telling you it still has some things to work through.
Make time
Everyone has the same 24 hours, even Beyonce. Don’t make time, just change your priorities.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead
Say this to a mom with a newborn and you better duck
Stay positive
I watched this TED Talk from Susan David and it changed my life. In it, she talks about what she calls the “tyranny of positivity” and how we are expected to push aside normal emotions like sadness and grief. She encourages us to “live in the world as it is, not as we want it to be.”
This year, someone you love might go through something really hard. They might losing a parent or child or suffer a miscarriage. They may get divorced or lose a job or struggle with debilitating mental illness.
As much as you want to ease their pain, resist the urge to fix them and love them where they are. If you find yourself not knowing what to say, it’s ok, sometimes there are no words for a reason.
If you yourself are the one in some kind of emotional pain allow yourself to feel all the feelings. I have a friend who always says, “Don’t should all over yourself.” If you hear your inner voice telling you how should feel politely ask that thought to leave and focus on how you are actually feeling.
Perfect
Real talk here… I don’t want to let perfect go.
Perfect is perfect.
But perfect is also dangerous. When I make a mistake, especially when it involves someone I love, I am ruthless, unyielding and can ruin a whole day if I want to.
The other day on some podcast I can’t remember at the moment I heard this,
If you heard someone talking to your friend they way you talk to yourself, you would kick their ass.
I would never in a million years allow anyone to talk to a friend the way I talk to myself. So as much as I hate to see perfect go, its time.
Here’s to 2019! The year of un-perfect!
Do you struggle with any of these phrases? are there others that drive you nuts? I’d love to hear about it. Drop a comment below.
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