I’m with the whole world when I say 2020 sucked, but I stop short of calling it the worst year ever.
That honor goes to 2019.
2019 was the year Aiden got cancer. It was the year he died. 2020 was supposed to be the year we grieved him.
But just as we were beginning to get our feet under us the whole world shut down and the grief we were trying to process for our son became so interwoven with the collective grief of the world. It was impossible to untangle the two.
Somehow though, I was able to find small pockets of peace, joy, and understanding this year.
These good things may have happened because of the pandemic… or perhaps, in spite of it.
10 Good Things That Could Only Happen in 2020
1. My Kids are Close Enough to Touch.
Aiden was diagnosed with brain cancer on July 31st and he died on November 12th of 2019. He spent most of his 104 days in treatment at the hospital and I only slept a handful of nights at home.
Each time I left the driveway to return to the hospital Peyton was in tears. After Aiden died my arms felt empty and I yearned for physical closeness to my children still here on earth.
Lockdown meant watching movies on the couch, lunch at the table together and snuggles before bed. It meant for most of the day, they were close enough to touch.
2. Streaming Television.
We’ve been Netflix holdouts forever but it took all of a week of lockdown for me to pull the trigger on both Disney + and Netflix.
3. Take a Hike.
The kids and I took to hiking 2-3 times a week. They were mostly happy about it.
4. Thoughtful and consistent conversations about race.
The death of George Floyd and the collective pain and compounded grief that rippled through the Black community was tragic and I wish it never happened.
The kids and I watched events unfold over the summer. They asked tough questions I didn’t always have the answers to. They saw videos of police kneeling with protestors and they saw police spraying protestors with fire hoses. They asked why both times.
We did our research together. We celebrated Juneteenth for the first, but not the last time. We talked about the importance of language and listening. I think I did ok. Thank God there is no finish line.
5. Some Good News.
Oh, Jim… I mean John Krasinski, You are just so damn adorable and I love you even more now. Thank you for the weekly reminder that good things do happen.
This first episode features a girl who finished her last chemo treatment. She thanks the doctors and nurses at on the 4th floor at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. This is Aiden’s hospital. The 4th floor is where he received his treatment. #hiAiden
6. Reading Life
The kids and I journaled for three days about who we are as readers. Stay tuned for a post on how it went.
7. Talking on the phone
I forgot how much I love talking on the phone. A few months into lockdown and craving more than just text conversations, I started marking out time in my planner (yes, paper planner) to call a friend and have a real-life conversation.
I got the idea from educator and social entrepreneur, Rachel Cargle. She often talks about “radical self-care” and what could be more radical than ditching “productivity” and picking up the phone to call a person you care about.
In an age where calling someone without warning might be considered rude, I worried people would be annoyed or assume there was some kind of emergency. I found that people were just as excited to talk as I was. After a while, it started to feel like I was back in high school when I would talk on the phone for hours.
As I was writing this post a very good friend called me to say hello. We talked for more than 30 minutes and when we hung up I felt replenished, energized, and loved.
8. Every Single Street SB
I may have gotten around to it one day, but my #covidproject to run every single street in Santa Barbara never would have been so consistent and I for sure wouldn’t have made the local news.
9. Writing Class
I am a huge fan of the Writing Class Radio Podcast.
Over the summer I started taking their class on Tuesday mornings, then I added Thursdays, then I added Saturdays… I think I might be obsessed. Covid gave me the perfect excuse to finally put pen to paper in a consistent way with the expressed goal of becoming a better writer.
So far I’ve been published in The Santa Barbara Independent, Love What Matters, and most recently in Scary Mommy! If you take a look at my About Page you’ll see I get to check that one off my bucket list.
10. A Space of My Own
Distance learning means our living room is overrun with piles of school supplies and books. Everyone seemed to have a place to be except me. So, I decided to create a space of my own.
I claimed the desk in Aiden’s room for myself.
In the corner, I set up a pencil box and my books on writing, and journal prompts. I have my spiral-bound notebooks and list pads and magazines and books I’m currently reading.
I have three books by Elizabeth Gilbert each one representative of three very difficult times in my life… More on that another time.
For Christmas Nick gave me an easy button. There is a recording of all three of my children playing together. It is the best sound and I get to hear it anytime I want.
Maybe it’s because I survived such a devastating loss so recently. Maybe it’s because I have financial security and the privilege that comes with that, or maybe it’s because I know that even in the worst moments of our lives there is beauty.
I am as happy as anyone to turn the page on 2020, but looking back I’m grateful for those times I took advantage of the situation to grow.
What good things have you seen or done that wouldn’t have happened without a pandemic? I’d love to hear about it.
